I have not had a real online presence for quite some time. Sure, I use FaceBook to crowdsouce information about what activity is good, or what local plumber can be trusted, but I haven't blogged in quite some time.
Neither have I had a real rhythm to my life in a long while.
For the last few years, I have been living reactively, bouncing back and forth between small crises like cups of spilt smoothies on the hardwood floors, making sure that we get to Mass on time, and grabbing groceries before total melt-down occurs, and falling into bed exhausted. I have not had the presence of mind to establish a healthy routine of quiet prayer time when I wake up because I have typically been awakened by messes, a baby that needs nursed, mischief that needs to be undone and participants redirected, and general chaos.
I know that chaos is a big part of my life, and it is not something that will go away anytime soon, but I need to claw out of the survival mode I have been using on autopilot and start thriving. There has GOT to be something more to my life in God's plan.
I have no delusions of grandeur, but it would be nice to live out that passage in 1 Thessalonians 5:21 : "...hold onto what is good."
I am ready to stop holding on to the good with my fingernails as I go flying through life at the speed of chaos and destruction, stopping to recover only long enough to catch my breath and throw a quick meal at my family. I am ready to live a life rooted deeply in a spiritual relation with God as my Father, not so much in my to-do lists that have more items than books in the Bible. I want to stop thrashing and breathe. I want to learn how to swim in this chaotic sea... Even better, I want to have faith that if I reach up my hand, that the Lord will pull me up to walk with Him.
Realistically, that can only happen if I make the time for it, and make quiet, contemplative prayer a real priority. Is contemplative prayer more important than a third load of laundry? Of course, it is, but can't it just wait until I switch these loads so the dress shirts are not wrinkled? I have so many little battles with myself to win, and now I need to have the courage to ask for the help I need, and to become the person that I am called to be.
How do you make time to pray in a deep, contemplative way each day? How to you collect yourself and place yourself at the feet of the Savior when so many practical tasks cannot wait for your attention? How many beggars are scratching at your door, starving for food and love, in need of a bath and clothes?
With that, I must steal a moment to pray before I stir my concoction of Roasted Ratatouille Chicken that will feed my tribe of beggars tonight.
